Greetings and welcome to another edition of Swami the Magazine. Last week was quite a week in college football. Here are a few things we learned:
- 27-7 leads aren’t safe
- Friday nights are meant for scoring
- Swamps are still dangerous
- There can still be shootouts at the Red River
- Past performance is no guarantee of future results
So with all of this new knowledge, let’s take a look at this coming weekend’s matchups.
The Theme
You might have guessed from the title that you are going to get a bunch of funny one-liners to delight your funny bone. Not so fast my friends! Nope, this week’s theme is a throwback to the joys of childhood. You may not relate to all of them, but I bet one of them will take you back to days gone by. That’s right, we’re talking about snack cakes!
The Picks
Northwestern v. Nebraska – The good folks from Northwestern made the Swami’s upset pick come true, so the Swami says thank you. Now to anyone who is complaining about Scott Frost and thinking Nebraska made a mistake… I think there’s a term for you…but I’m not coming up with it at the moment. Well, let’s look at our snack cake choice and see if it comes to me…
Northwestern 31-20
Georgia Tech v. Duke – The Jackets’ offense seems to be clicking, though the Blue Devils have had 2 weeks to get ready for the triple option. It still feels like the boys from Atlanta should take this Homecoming game. Now let’s get to the real question. What argument led to the confusion over what these tasty treats are called? Why Buddy over Bars? I don’t understand. Did someone drink crazy juice?!
Georgia Tech 41-35
Iowa v. Indiana – There are few things that last longer in this world than the streak of Iowa having a big line and running the ball a lot. One of those things is a Twinkie. There actually used to be a website that could tell you how well a Twinkie holds up in various conditions (I came across this in 1996 and have never ceased to be amused by it), but alas it seems to have disappeared. A little of it has been preserved here, but I miss the full Twinkies Project.
Iowa 28-24
Oklahoma State v. Kansas State – Last week was a rough one for both of these squads, but the season-long funk for K-State is going to continue. Now, can we please discuss how there isn’t enough filling in regular sized Fudge Rounds! The cookies pretty much touch all the way around the edge. Can we please add some more filling? The jumbos are the way to go.
Oklahoma State 38-21
Georgia v. LSU – Most of the country will probably say these should be Marshmellow Pies or something, but down South (where you will find Georgia and LSU) Moon Pies are the original, so we have to give them some love here. And if you can find them at Cracker Barrell, they must be legit right?!
Georgia 34-24
Oregon v. Washington – Upset Alert! That’s right, Nike U is primed for an upset here. Now, a question for commenters… do you prefer Swiss Rolls or Ho Hos? (If you say Ho Hos you are wrong). Follow-up question, why did Little Debbie drop the word Cake from the Swiss Cake Roll? Can we get official statements regarding these types of changes? Oh, and you should try them from the freezer.
Oregon 35-34
Penn State v. Michigan State – I’m no fan of either and no fan of Sno Balls so it seemed like a good match. Also, Penn State fans looked like a bunch of Sno Balls last week so it was fitting.
Penn State 24-17
Michigan v. Wisconsin – For anyone who doesn’t like chocolate and wants something that they can pretend has 1% healthy stuff in it, there is only one choice. Gotta go with the OCP. You down with OCP? Yeah, you know me!
Michigan 28-27
USC v. Colorado – Not all undefeated teams are created equal and not all cupcakes with a squiggly white line across them are created equal. You have to go for the original (if you aren’t going for homemade or boutique level cupcakes that is…)
USC makes Colorado undefeated no more. Trojans 34-31
Texas A&M v. South Carolina – It’s understandable why Texas A&M wanted to get out of the Longhorns’ shadow. What isn’t understandable is why you would ruin a packaged brownie by putting walnuts on it. Completely inexcusable. When I had these growing up, I’d immediately have to remove all the nuts before I would start eating the Brownie. At least they came up with Cosmic Brownies to try to rectify that.
Texas A&M 24-13
The Guru’s Take
The Guru fully agrees with the firing of Mike Stoops. OU’s defense was putrid in the Red River Rivalry last week. But since that has nothing to do with the Guru’s pick, let’s move on. This week, USC is favored over the undefeated Colorado Buffaloes. USC has never lost to Colorado (12-0 all-time). USC has never lost at home under Coach Helton (18-0). That means it’s time for some streaks to end! The Guru likes Colorado’s focus on getting the ball into the hands of Laviska Shenault, Jr. in every possible way, and that will continue. Colorado has its best team in years, and the Guru believes the Trojans will end up on the losing end of this matchup. Colorado 28, USC 21
James & the Swamettes
Falcons v. Bucs – James is pretty sure that this game fits Honey Buns perfectly. Because just like Falcons fans don’t get the on-field product that’s been advertised, there has never been a Honey Bun that looks like the box.
Falcons 34-33
Chiefs v. Patriots – A the Swamette is enjoying this season from the Chiefs like a child enjoys their first Star Crunch after only having Chips Ahoy cookies in their lunch.
Chiefs 34-28
Rams v. Broncos – Swamette L is pretty sure that the Broncos are like a horse trying to pretend to be a zebra. They can believe they changed their stripes, but they are just a painted horse. But since you mentioned a zebra, L is hungry!
Rams 42-20
As always, the Swami’s picks are like a box of Christmas Tree Cakes. The trick is that you never know if they or original or chocolate. Let’s hope for chocolate or you are just going to be disappointed. Until next time!
The Swami!
Categories: Football
Random Thoughts Illustrated 
The only item I have to add is this YouTube video of another Nutty Buddy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCnfHghxz8Q